Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Life As A Means To An End

How do you write when your worth is gone
Blink, breathe, swallow, it's wrong
Inconsequential emptiness has become you
Hapless nightmares are all that's true
When you don't see the good, that makes you bad
Someone has it worse. Don't you dare feel sad!
You are to be what others expect
Failure to do so is your neglect
Make no mistake; you have no worth
You started dying immediately upon birth


I don't think you'll ever see what I do
When I look at and think of you
You're the gold standard, the one to compare
All other guys to, and it's really unfair
You're on a pedestal, royalty in my mind
You stand alone, truly one of a kind
Never sell yourself short: you are a king
Deserving of the very best of everything
I truly admire the person that you are
Things you say, do, and have accomplished thus far
I needed a friend, and somehow you were found
Loyal to a fault, I'd like to keep you around

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Two Choices

Nothing solid, the ground wet and slippery
Icicles form, melting into puddles of misery

Sunlight shines, forcing misery to spread
Feeling sadness, still I forge on ahead

Through motion, my balance is regained
Basic survival, simply how life is sustained

Misery puddles, I step in and lament
How quickly, the past becomes the present

The sun, guiding away from this sadness
Beams on, a shining happiness atlas

Choices; avoid the puddles and follow
Or stay, sink into despondency and wallow?

Monday, July 13, 2015

Faded but not jaded

I feel the walls closing in on each side
Nowhere seems safe, nowhere to hide

It seems I fell so far, so fast
On top of the world, I thought, at last!

My hard work was finally paying me back
Now my life has fallen off track

It has to work out; it's just the ebb and flow
I hate to feel the happiness go

It has to come back, I won't let it leave
This is only temporary; that much I believe!

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

What went wrong?

There aren't any words to describe the pain
Of having something real, then knowing you'll never have it again

The very hand that fed me, that I lived and died for
Ripped the spoon away and pushed me through the door

I knew the fall would be hard, but I thought it would end
Here I am, still falling, with wounds that will never mend

How can I heal when I'm still spiraling down?
My fake smiles in public, behind closed doors fade to a frown

I have lost all control of where this is heading
I thought I could turn it around, but I'm just treading

Frozen in place at one point in time
When things were so good, almost sublime


Here I am again, in a place I thought I'd left behind me
Running and running toward a destination I cannot see
For quite some time, I was doing so well
I'm on the ground again and I don't know where I fell
I stand up and move away, running from the shove
I'm unable to discern; is it from below, beside or above?
Feeling as though the walls are closing in on every side
Those parts of me that have healed have run off to hide
I need those parts to be whole and know that something is real
Refusing to accept that reality is this fear I feel
I have hope that there's more for me, much better than this
I can feel life passing me by; each moment is hit or miss
This is not something that I can experience again
A pain so deep, failure induced, it wipes away my grin
My smile is my trademark, always there, to brighten up the day
This is beyond the realm of anything I can smile away

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Fighting the inevitable

I was living out my dreams, it got better each day
My independent spirit forced fears and doubts away
It was so much better than I imagined it could be
The world was in my palm; mine to experience and see

Then the dark clouds came and covered up my sun
They opened and they poured, destroying everything I'd done
I sought shelter from the storm, knowing it would pass
Inside looking out, raindrops sliding down the glass

As suddenly as it started, the rain simply stopped
I skipped back outside, this time ignoring the raindrops
The sun, still clouded over, couldn't shine through the rain's tears
I didn't run inside; I faced these soggy frontiers

I played in the rain much like a young child
In those moments, I felt the freedom of youth gone wild
There were no repercussions, nothing of consequence
Until the pools of water formed, flooding my protection fence

I wasn't safe anymore, playing in the rain
I floated away, no life jacket, drowning in the pain
Freedom and happiness drifted off into the distance
I watched it fall victim to the path of least resistance

Still, I wouldn't give up; I'd hope for the sun
I hoped and hoped and wouldn't stop until this course had run
When that day came, I didn't accept its end
I didn't care, just pushed and pushed, even though it was pretend

I smiled and I smiled, still swimming upstream
Refusing to let go of living out my dream
I kept my head up, watching for the sun to peek through the clouds
I felt somehow protected, wrapped up in the shrouds

Of memories and good times passed and the warmth that they brought
The warmth morphed into heat and then to unbearably hot
I know now that it is time to stop living in the past
Trying to let go right now seems far too vast

I want to be back there; carefree, in the sunshine
Refusing to accept that all of that was never mine
They say let go and if it comes back then it was meant to be
I'm trying to let go of it, and with it, my identity