Tuesday, January 27, 2015

What went wrong?

There aren't any words to describe the pain
Of having something real, then knowing you'll never have it again

The very hand that fed me, that I lived and died for
Ripped the spoon away and pushed me through the door

I knew the fall would be hard, but I thought it would end
Here I am, still falling, with wounds that will never mend

How can I heal when I'm still spiraling down?
My fake smiles in public, behind closed doors fade to a frown

I have lost all control of where this is heading
I thought I could turn it around, but I'm just treading

Frozen in place at one point in time
When things were so good, almost sublime


Here I am again, in a place I thought I'd left behind me
Running and running toward a destination I cannot see
For quite some time, I was doing so well
I'm on the ground again and I don't know where I fell
I stand up and move away, running from the shove
I'm unable to discern; is it from below, beside or above?
Feeling as though the walls are closing in on every side
Those parts of me that have healed have run off to hide
I need those parts to be whole and know that something is real
Refusing to accept that reality is this fear I feel
I have hope that there's more for me, much better than this
I can feel life passing me by; each moment is hit or miss
This is not something that I can experience again
A pain so deep, failure induced, it wipes away my grin
My smile is my trademark, always there, to brighten up the day
This is beyond the realm of anything I can smile away